Wuh oh.

Jul. 16th, 2013 05:20 am
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
(This entry has been Piranhacized.)

New employees having trouble identifying the parts of the piranha. I would settle for "the bitey end" and "the non-bitey end" at this point.

Three days off later this week cannot come soon enough. I already jam-packed them with plans as follows:

Wednesday: ME DAY. Sleep, play around online a bit.
Thursday: THIS HOUSE, A PIT. Clean like my parents' opinion depends on it. (So, likely to be be 20 minute bursts with loud music and tons of dry-erase-board lists.)
Friday: Birthday celebrating for the youngest two-legged member of the household. Food, cake, possibly even presents. Movie! Shopping! Fun!
Friday night: Collapse in exhaustion and sleep up until work Saturday night.
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
Sorry about lack of posting lately. Haven't had much I felt up to, you know, even saying anything about, that I could actually talk about in public.

Have been cleaning house some-- will post pictures soonish.

MEANWHILE, AT THE PIRANHA STORE:

We have been tasked with a special job of continuously observing the piranha tanks in case one of them spontaneously breaks and floods the place with water and pissed-off piranha. Since I cannot sit in a chair and watch the tanks while doing my own job of stocking piranhas, helping customers, putting up signs in the windows, etc. I have been provided with an employee who does nothing but sit in a chair facing the piranha tanks and watch them.

Intently.

Said employee is too busy watching the tanks, with both eyeballs, to spare one for learning to stock the piranhas, or put up signs, or really do much of anything. Naturally, this annoys me because every other employee who does this tank-security thing manages to at least sweep around their seat, you know? And not so much with this one. Just can't seem to concentrate.

But. Apparently my prayers have been answered, if by "prayers" I mean "near-constant annoyed seething." The tank-watching job is being outsourced soon, so the person will lose their cushy "sit in a chair and wait for something to break" position. And maybe I'll get some effing help.

Right?

Maybe. That's right.
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
After as long as you've worked here, why do I have to tell you every morning that we sell piranhas, not goldfish?
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
Customer: Hello, is this the piranha store?

Salesperson: Yes! We sell piranhas here.

Customer: Great. I already have this piranha and I would like a different piranha to keep in a tank next to it.

Salesperson: I don't know what to do with that piranha you carried in.

Customer: You don't have to do anything. It's my piranha and I'm taking it with me when I leave. I want to buy another piranha to go with it.

Salesperson: I don't have a price for that piranha you carried in.

Customer: I already own this piranha. You don't need to sell it to me. I would like you to sell me one of YOUR piranhas.

Salesperson: I don't even know what kind of piranha that is that you carried in!

Customer: You don't need to know. You need to know about YOUR piranhas and, I hope to all that is holy, you need to sell me one. Please?

Salesperson: Just a moment while I frantically flip through the book of piranhas looking for your piranha. Which we totally don't carry.

Customer: Maybe what I need instead is a guppy....
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
Dear trainee,

Just because you don't see a piranha in each of my hands doesn't mean I'm not juggling three of them-- the other two are in the air right now. Attempting to co-opt my free hand to help you out will result in a piranhastrophe.

Also:
This Dilbert comic strip amuses the heck out of me.
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
I have ten years of experience handling piranhas.

I can tell that the piranha in your hand is biting the everloving crap out of you. Please hand it to me so I can take care of it.

Hand me the piranha. I know it's biting you. It will continue to bite you until you HAND ME THE PIRANHA.

Stop telling me that it's biting you and HAND IT TO ME FOR FREAK'S SAKE ALREADY.



Also, Annie's White Cheddar Bunnies Piranhas are awesome.
corrvin: kitten climbing a fishbowl with goldfish with the word 'piranhacizer' (piranhacizer)
The following work story has been Piranhacized.

So, in my job at the PIRANHA STORE, we occasionally get automated calls regarding PIRANHA ORDERS. These typically include some information that we need to note down and then finish by saying to press 5 to report that you have all the information.

Trainee: I just got the weirdest call.
Me: Really? What happened?
Trainee: It was like a recorded message. Something about an order? And then it said press 5, so I did. And it hung up.
Me: Um did you hear what it said about the order? Or take a message?
Trainee: No I didn't understand any of it, but then it said press 5 so I did!

(at this point the trainee is visibly waiting to be patted on the head for Doing The Right Thing.)

Me: Good, good show. Next time let's take down the info, okay?
Trainee: Sure! And then press 5!

(I slink into the back to try to re-create what the recording was about, and find a nice quiet place to pound my head.)
corrvin: gray cat lying on the floor, text "I'll get right on that" (right on that)
And maybe this is only awesome when you've been at work for 12 days straight, but that means it's approaching maximum awesomeosity right.... now.

click here for awesomeosity )

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