Cliches/ untrue statements in profiles (OKCupid)

[corrvin]

If I remember correctly, there's a specific word for sentences which are not only a statement but also the action itself, such as "I pronounce you husband and wife." I believe it's "performative."

I've run across a particular sort of phrase or description in OKCupid ads that is rather an anti-performative, and I'm trying to collect a few examples of the class.

Example: "I'm really funny."

If you were really funny, your profile would make me laugh and say "Hey, that dude is pretty funny." You wouldn't have to tell me that you're funny.

Example: "I'm the nicest guy you'll ever know."

If you were really the nicest guy I'll ever know, then your profile would say that you were nice without having to say "I'm nice." You'd talk about how you love kittens and little old ladies and sunshine. In fact, you'd probably sound a lot like kaichi_satake (while I know lots of people who are fun to be around, he just exudes "nice" like paladins exude shiny armor and boundless optimism).

I'll add more later, but it's about time to act like I work here.