Fool Resistant

( Brief recap of events )

As of now, 3 days after surgery, the incisions are closed, with just little pink lines where the cuts were. I have an appointment 2 weeks post-op (on 5/23, my half-birthday!) to have the stitches out and everything evaluated. I should be found to be generally in good health at this point, and hopefully he'll clear me to resume running? If not, there will be another appointment in late June to remove the last of the restrictions on me, notably lifting things over 5 pounds, and clearing me to have things in my vagina if I want to. And running. RUNNING. I miss it so much right now.

Currently I'm on an estrogen patch at a low dosage. I'll discuss with my doctor at the next appointment where we're going with that-- I don't expect to be on estrogen forever, but I'd like to stay on it for six months (until cooler weather) in case of hot flashes.

I feel good. This was the right thing to do. I feel like myself.

So, in a little less than 15 hours, I will be in the operating room, removing two unhappy lemons, a small angry hedgehog, and the button that connects it to the downspout.

I have had a good time connecting with people like me-- had lots of good advice-- and I'm nearly packed and ready for the early morning trip. I have a load of laundry going with my fancy socks and the shirts that look decent without a bra (because bra? NO! according to my inner angry toddler).

I think what makes me the happiest about this is that I'm gonna have a body that matches my inner-self-body a little bit more. It's kinda like gender affirmation surgery, except that in my case it's affirmation of myself as a person who doesn't have to be in pain, doesn't have to dread pain, doesn't have to live a life around preparing for and trying to avoid pain.

And yeah, sexually active (maybe?) but 100% permanently infertile and missing a couple of parts? That suits my identity just fine.

"It's possible that Bad Thing A could happen. If so, then I believe Reaction B would be appropriate. In order for that to be helpful, I'd need Item C, therefore, just in case, I'll make sure I know where that is."

"Gosh, why do you worry so much."

Because there isn't anyone else I can trust to wrangle these things for me, that's why. Because if A happens and I'm not ready to B and don't have C, then it's going to suck and at that point there won't be anything I can do about it.

Seriously, why am I getting told to "stop worrying" when I try to be prepared for things? I'm the person who carries a water bottle and peppermints and ibuprofen, but everyone is always like "I'm thirsty, I have a cough, my head hurts" and suddenly those things make it better. But next time, I'm STILL the only person carrying a water bottle out to the car for the road trip. (I have wicked fantasies of "Oh, you're thirsty? Why don't you bring your own drink?")

Speaking of thirsty, I'd better tank down this water before midnight. Yeah, the most current rec is that water is okay up to 2 hours before the procedure, but these folks are old-school "NPO at midnight" and I think this'll work fine. Just want them to be able to find a vein in the morning.

Wed 10/1; 242.2 pounds

Warning: The following post is excessively self-centered and vain.

( cut for pic of my hair, and whining )