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The following is my response to someone who posted a poll in the hair-covering forum on Ravelry, asking (among other things) whether we felt that covering our hair protected us from, or exposed us to, sexual harassment.
I’m not sure that I can state whether I feel that covering does or doesn’t protect me from harassment; I feel like there is something related I want to say, though. I’m not meaning to preach or push, just my opinions here and I understand if people don’t agree with the way I think.
I think there can be very mild unwanted attention, or advances, and not all of it is harassment. As an adult I’m comfortable with being approached for dates or conversation and telling someone no; it’s when they don’t take no for an answer and keep trying, or when they make it extremely uncomfortable for me to say no, or make me feel unsafe, that I feel harassed. So there’s kind of a spectrum of bad behavior, and harassment is at the extreme end of it.
Covering my hair, and/or dressing modestly, does communicate certain things to people who are aware of non-verbal stuff like that. However, the kind of person who makes unwanted advances is not generally that aware of non-verbal stuff, so it doesn’t change their behavior no matter what I wear. (Or at least I haven’t noticed it! Maybe I’m clueless.)
On the other hand, covering and modest dressing does change MY behavior. It makes me more aware of my body language, my verbal language, and all the ways I communicate. Modest dressing and covering doesn’t protect me by itself, but the choices I’ve made that led me down the path of modest dressing and covering have helped me to protect myself by being outspoken and unembarrassed.
It’s even made me more friendly to strangers and more willing to offer help, where before I would have been shy and worried that if I offered to help a man he would think I was hitting on him. It’s this part that makes me feel I’m doing the right thing; helping others is a very strong Scriptural commandment to me and anything that makes me more able to do it is a step on the right path. I totally understand if someone else doesn’t feel called to cover or dress modestly, and I wouldn’t urge someone to do it for its own sake, but only if they could get what I’ve gotten out of the experience.
I’m not sure that I can state whether I feel that covering does or doesn’t protect me from harassment; I feel like there is something related I want to say, though. I’m not meaning to preach or push, just my opinions here and I understand if people don’t agree with the way I think.
I think there can be very mild unwanted attention, or advances, and not all of it is harassment. As an adult I’m comfortable with being approached for dates or conversation and telling someone no; it’s when they don’t take no for an answer and keep trying, or when they make it extremely uncomfortable for me to say no, or make me feel unsafe, that I feel harassed. So there’s kind of a spectrum of bad behavior, and harassment is at the extreme end of it.
Covering my hair, and/or dressing modestly, does communicate certain things to people who are aware of non-verbal stuff like that. However, the kind of person who makes unwanted advances is not generally that aware of non-verbal stuff, so it doesn’t change their behavior no matter what I wear. (Or at least I haven’t noticed it! Maybe I’m clueless.)
On the other hand, covering and modest dressing does change MY behavior. It makes me more aware of my body language, my verbal language, and all the ways I communicate. Modest dressing and covering doesn’t protect me by itself, but the choices I’ve made that led me down the path of modest dressing and covering have helped me to protect myself by being outspoken and unembarrassed.
It’s even made me more friendly to strangers and more willing to offer help, where before I would have been shy and worried that if I offered to help a man he would think I was hitting on him. It’s this part that makes me feel I’m doing the right thing; helping others is a very strong Scriptural commandment to me and anything that makes me more able to do it is a step on the right path. I totally understand if someone else doesn’t feel called to cover or dress modestly, and I wouldn’t urge someone to do it for its own sake, but only if they could get what I’ve gotten out of the experience.
