after action report: scope (biopsy) and D&C

[corrvin]

To start off my day today, I had to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. I am not pregnant. (Notably, I could have been excused the pee in a cup if I'd had a tubal ligation. I was not excused for being celibate.) Currently taking bets as to whether I have to pee in a cup again Wednesday, after the D&C today, and a few hours before having a hysterectomy.

I got taken down to pre-op and put on the gown and had a surprisingly good IV start-- no pain at all-- then sat around occasionally answering questions and being bored. Found out my arrival time Wednesday is 6am, which was one of the things on my list of questions.

Doc came up to the curtain: "Knock, knock."
Me: "Knock knock? Oh, uh, come in!" (pause) "Sorry, I totally ruined that knock-knock joke."

Dr. Smith has no sense of humor, sadly. It's okay. He went over the procedure, gave me special permission to take ibuprofen today only (woo!) in lieu of narcotics. (That was my other thing on the list of questions.)

So they wheel me off to surgery. I remember moving myself over to the operating table, lying down, someone was doing a thing with my arm, and BOOM. I woke up in recovery in a serious amount of pain. Like, 8/10 can't keep myself from moaning pain.

Someone: "Here, let me get this IV off and you can get dressed."

Me: "Wanna go bathroom."

"Okay just a moment and let me get this off." Probably two minutes later I'm in the bathroom, going pee, and moaning in pain.

Nurse at door: "You okay?"

Me: "Yeah just got a wave of cramps... once it dies down I'll get dressed."

Repeat for what, apparently, was 20 minutes, at which point she came in, helped me get dressed, got me into a wheelchair, and wheeled me out to the car to go home. Still moaning in pain.

We live about 15 minutes from the hospital. Subjectively, it was about an hour and a half drive. Got home, fell on the couch, exhausted and hurting SO BAD. My partner says "can I get you anything"

Me: "2 ibuprofen"

Him: "But..."

Me: (breathing fire) DOCTOR SAYS FINE. IBUPROFEN!

20 minutes later, the pain is receding. I'm able to get up, have a drink of water, apologize for fire-breathing, and take a shower. Not even tired. Had a pudding and a cracker.

I think at some point in recovery that I can't remember, someone gave me a Percoset? I don't think it did much.

Will pester my doc for pictures of stuff, which he took; apparently I have like an entire set of polyps everywhere, so after the D&C I'm probably gonna bleed pretty good and cramp pretty good for the next two days. Now that I've got the pain under control once, I'll do fine.

TL;DR: Had a bad time for a little while but the day as a whole was all right. Going back Wednesday for the rest of this stuff to get finished up.

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Hooray for mostly all right; alas for the pain.

[azurelunatic]

Also, I will bet for pee in a cup. Again.

[corrvin]

I kind of get that I might be unclear on exact definitions of "haven't had sex in years" and so on, but... surely if I wasn't pregnant today and then had a D&C, I can't possibly be pregnant on Wednesday.

We shall see, though.

It's just the reminder that it's more important to remind female-bodied people at every turn that they are potential incubators, than it is to put the health/well-being of the patient above any hypothetical children.

[corrvin]

I heard I might lose some of the first post-anesthesia memories over the next 24 hours, and hopefully I lose the bit where I was in awful pain.

After the fact realization: I was a cranky toddler to everyone around me when I was in horrible pain. At least I can warn the nurses in advance on Wednesday. I wasn't swearing or anything, I just had to be told to do stuff and occasionally physically prodded into it. (Nurse: Let's get you dressed. Do you want to put your bra on? me: NO. her: Good choice. Here's your shirt.)

IV site doesn't hurt. Head hurts a bit. 12 hours after the procedure, I'm only in a tiny bit of pain.