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I double-dog-dared a friend to answer this, and she dared me back, so here's my answer :
Being a submissive isn't about sex, to me; sex can go with it, and it's a powerful tool to use. But submitting isn't "about" sex any more than cooking is "about" turning the oven off and on.
Being a submissive is about seeing the world in a particular way-- and I see the world this way a lot, not just when I'm in bed. It's a mindset, a tone of mental voice. It's like a painter who sees light and shadow and the beauty of colors whether he's got a brush in his hand or not.
Submitting is, first and foremost, about knowing myself. It's about figuring out what really is part of me, and what's just the masks I wear every day. What can I put aside for the night? It's not enough to be naked physically, when you can try a little harder and be naked mentally as well.
It's about trying my best, for a very short while, in a safe comforting place where someone will encourage me for it. And, for me personally, it's about a very important lesson sometimes:
It's Okay To Fail.
If you try your hardest, and succeed, you'll never know if you've given every last bit that you can. You might've had just a little more, and didn't have to use it, after all.
But if you do your best, your very best, as hard as you possibly can, and you try until you can't anymore, until it brings tears to your eyes, until you cry, until you beg, and there aren't any more words, until you have only one thought, one urge, to do that which you desire, and every fiber of your being is focused on it, and you STILL fail-- then you know that you've done everything you possibly can. And you win.
There've been times when being a sub has felt like trying to put on a really tricky outfit-- the kind you can't zip up without your hands behind your back, but putting your hands behind your back stretches it out of place. You can do more with an extra pair of hands, in other words. It's also easier to peek inside my thoughts, see what makes me tick, if someone else is "pushing buttons" for me.
It's hard to describe what submission looks like from outside; I only know it from inside. Just like sex can't be described as a finite sequence of "touch here, stroke here, do this, do that," submission can't be defined as activities or words, so much as in the emotions they evoke-- like brushstrokes outlining the shape of an apple, round and red, then adding shadow and highlight.
If I had to sum it up any shorter than that, I'd say that submission is "playing" in the way that children play-- make-believe, yet deeply serious at the same time. It's playing in the way that the priest plays at the altar-- being a person who fully believes that the body of the Divine is immanent within a drop and a crumb. It's the game that's more real than the mundane reality we live in. It's an emotion that's more real than love.
It's being set free to be yourself-- when you can't set yourself free.
Being a submissive isn't about sex, to me; sex can go with it, and it's a powerful tool to use. But submitting isn't "about" sex any more than cooking is "about" turning the oven off and on.
Being a submissive is about seeing the world in a particular way-- and I see the world this way a lot, not just when I'm in bed. It's a mindset, a tone of mental voice. It's like a painter who sees light and shadow and the beauty of colors whether he's got a brush in his hand or not.
Submitting is, first and foremost, about knowing myself. It's about figuring out what really is part of me, and what's just the masks I wear every day. What can I put aside for the night? It's not enough to be naked physically, when you can try a little harder and be naked mentally as well.
It's about trying my best, for a very short while, in a safe comforting place where someone will encourage me for it. And, for me personally, it's about a very important lesson sometimes:
It's Okay To Fail.
If you try your hardest, and succeed, you'll never know if you've given every last bit that you can. You might've had just a little more, and didn't have to use it, after all.
But if you do your best, your very best, as hard as you possibly can, and you try until you can't anymore, until it brings tears to your eyes, until you cry, until you beg, and there aren't any more words, until you have only one thought, one urge, to do that which you desire, and every fiber of your being is focused on it, and you STILL fail-- then you know that you've done everything you possibly can. And you win.
There've been times when being a sub has felt like trying to put on a really tricky outfit-- the kind you can't zip up without your hands behind your back, but putting your hands behind your back stretches it out of place. You can do more with an extra pair of hands, in other words. It's also easier to peek inside my thoughts, see what makes me tick, if someone else is "pushing buttons" for me.
It's hard to describe what submission looks like from outside; I only know it from inside. Just like sex can't be described as a finite sequence of "touch here, stroke here, do this, do that," submission can't be defined as activities or words, so much as in the emotions they evoke-- like brushstrokes outlining the shape of an apple, round and red, then adding shadow and highlight.
If I had to sum it up any shorter than that, I'd say that submission is "playing" in the way that children play-- make-believe, yet deeply serious at the same time. It's playing in the way that the priest plays at the altar-- being a person who fully believes that the body of the Divine is immanent within a drop and a crumb. It's the game that's more real than the mundane reality we live in. It's an emotion that's more real than love.
It's being set free to be yourself-- when you can't set yourself free.
