Dear co-worker,

[corrvin]

My hair is not your business. It's my business.

I do not like to hear you comment about it, even to say it looks nice, because that implies that you notice when it does not look nice. I especially do not like to hear you comment about it twice in one day.

It's not that I'm uptight-- I've had a few instances where I got a new bra with extra uplift, walked up behind a seated co-worker, they turned around, and VISIBLY reacted. "Whoa!" Yeah, they're big, if you nearly do a drive-by motorboat, it's all right to react. But I'd be upset if the exact same people said something every time they saw me, and that's kind of how I feel about my hair, too.

Come to think of it, I'm also annoyed whenever I wear a different pair of pants or a shirt to work, and get asked if I lost weight. For the record, I haven't lost weight, I'm not trying to lose weight, I eat healthy crap because it's good for me, not because I'm convinced I'm a porker and will only find love at size 10.

So, in conclusion, you're not a bad person, I like you okay, you don't have to kiss up to me with personal compliments, so could you just shut up about my hair for a while? Please?

Comments

[seryn]

Generally if something is publicly visible and non-sexual, it's considered socially acceptable for person to make a positive (and non-sexual) comment about it. If it's something you don't want commented upon, then you get your imperious look and be coldly formal and say, "thank you." As if they're lower than worms for daring to speak of it because only common people would notice.

Because they're not being inappropriate or impolite despite your dislike. There are social rules on how to train people as to your preferences though. And they actually work even on people who are ignorant of the rules.

[corrvin]

Well, I'd say that it's widely socially acceptable to comment on it when there's been a perceived change-- new cut, style, or color, for instance. Or once, out of the blue.

But this is literally every time I work with this person-- twice a week since the first time I cut my hair. It's like she sees me and must comment on the fact that my hair is still short since the last time she saw me 3 days ago.

After about a dozen times, any comment starts to sound weird.

[seryn]

There's a woman in my building who asks me if I got my hair cut every time she sees me. I take it as "I notice you, but only vaguely." and then I acknowledge it as that. "Oh, not since you've seen me last." Because what she wants is an interaction that acknowledges her existence and she's politely trying to make an effort by making it about me. And since her other topic is about her being so put upon by the entire world, I really do appreciate it being about me even if that's not the specific topic I'd have chosen.

It's possible that this person really admires your new hair.

My point was that you can't expect the world to stop saying nice things about your appearance unless you want to live under a rock or only deal with snarky bitches.