corrvin | Where's my poly toaster? (OKCupid, HBB seekers)

Well, I got my first bonafide Hot Bi Babe seeker last night (i.e. "My wife and I are looking for a bisexual girlfriend to move in with us"). Too bad he didn't want to talk about his medical-related career, which I probably would've found fascinating; instead, he chose the much less attractive tack of "here's my wife's picture, isn't she cute wearing nothing but a feather boa" and asking me "if you don't mind, what exactly does your Dom ask you to do?"

At least the second one had an easy answer-- "Nothing; he doesn't ask me, he tells me!" *chuckle* (We won't mention that I'm a stubborn, argumentative pain in the ass, will we? Shush,

dda.)

Anyways, for the record, in case any of my readers would like some helpful hints for taking nearly-naked pictures to post on the internet, here they are:

1. Get a professional. I don't mean pay somebody, because you can pay an idiot and it won't make them any smarter, I mean get someone who knows what they're doing, whether you pay them in cash, chocolate, or corsets.

2. Think carefully about your body-- your body has opposite sides. At any given moment, ONE side is toward the camera and the OTHER side is not. The art of photography and making you look good is to pick which side you want to show of any given bit. If you have scars, stuff you hate, or things that are private, you might want to think about that and tell the photographer.

3. You should be the subject and focus of the picture. Anything else is either there to make you look good, or distracting and should therefore be removed. If it's there to make you look good, use it! If you need to be propped up, twisted, moved, lying flat, or want something covering a particular area, it's there for you. You are not lying there to sell feather boas, flimsy scarves, scraps of velvet, or anything else in the picture besides your hot bod. If it doesn't make you look hot, get rid of it. That especially goes for things that need to be cropped off the sides because your photographer failed to move them completely out of the shot.

Anyways, after viewing his wife's profile (hobbies: poker, sex with women; what I'm doing with my life: drinking, watching TV, looking for women to have sex with), and trying to decide which was the more disturbing-- that he was old enough to be my father, or that she looked disturbingly close to my mother's body type, before my mother lost some weight. Anyways, neither of them really seemed terribly interesting to be around, because we had nothing in common. He was just so set on getting himself a HBB, and had just no idea whatsoever that not only did he not have a chance of getting one (because, honestly, if you're talking to ME, your HBB detection skills are flawed), his methods were totally skewed.

Unfortunately, none of you people were up last night, or I would've picked your brains for questions to ask him. I did think momentarily of sending him to a certain person

dda knows for her amusement, but after about a ten-second fit of hilarity, I decided that while she's definitely the hottest Hot Bi Babe I know, she's also probably a dangerous woman and can kick my butt.

So, I got my HBB-seeker, where's my poly toaster now?