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A few various rants, LJ-cut for your screen and possible NSFW topics.
At one point deep in the past, I wrote a scathing "how NOT to have boudoir photography done" essay about women's pictures on OKCupid. Gender parity being what it is, I believe it's time I gave the men equal time.
Dear Gentlemen:
When offering a picture of yourself to a charming person of the appropriate sex, there are certain things you can do to ensure that they both enjoy and remember your picture.
First, do try to look your very best. Comb your hair and take a shower, and try not to be hung over, sick, or still drunk when you take the picture. If you don't know how to shave properly, don't do it.
Second, choose the subject matter on which you wish to focus. There's no delicate way to say this (and in fact that's why this is behind a cut) but if you want to focus on your penis, think about what that says about you:
A) picture of your erect penis: Hi, I have a penis. Look, it sits up by itself. Time required to examine this picture and verify these facts: 0.1 seconds.
B) picture of you and a friend petting a baby tiger: I have friends. I like to go out, to the zoo or circus or something fun. I'm not afraid of wild animals. Also, look, something cuter and fuzzier than me, and I'm not intimidated or upset by not being the center of attention. Time required to examine this picture and verify these facts: 3-4 seconds.
Third, if you choose to go beyond sending pictures into sending video, and your video happens to be of your penis, do try to make it amusing. Costumes and jewelry, perhaps, or hire yourself a voice actor. If my first thought is "that poor man is reduced to wrestling with his penis, and worse, it looks like the penis is about to win" I'm going to nearly wet myself laughing.
Syntax Error in Line
As most people know, we occasionally get "stuck in automatic mode" and give the wrong response:
Sales clerk: Have a great weekend!
Response: You too!
Sales clerk: Happy Holidays!
Response: You too!
Sales clerk: Thanks for shopping with us!
Response: You too! Er...thanks.
So, I came across another interesting "auto-response" specimen a day or two ago; someone I know apparently has the following script:
A: So, where've you been lately?
(response)
A: Ah, and what did you do there?
This works very well when the response is, for instance, "School" or "at a seminar" or "on sabbatical"-- but when the response is "I was at my boyfriend's house" the second question seems rather personal (or hilariously naive)!
Anyways, this started me thinking that it's pretty funny (or at least understandable) when someone flubs a line like this in the checkout, but in a dating situation, folks aren't so forgiving. It's okay to stumble, but if you say something strange and fail to acknowledge that you did so, you're going to set off all kinds of alarms in your potential date's head. It's a sort of anti-nutcase warding system, although sadly (at least, sadly for the people it excludes) it can rule out a few other types as well.
It makes me wonder-- are there perfectly okay people who simply don't get dates because they don't pass Turing's Imitation Game? And is there anything that can be done about it? It seems that a lot of the "advice" I hear for such people is quite faulty!
For instance, one common piece of advice is to ask lots of women out, on the "statistical grounds" that one of them is bound to agree. However, time is finite, and spending 5 minutes each on asking 100 women out is not guaranteed to get one a date; it is guaranteed to take 500 minutes, and if that time were spent differently, it could well improve one's chances. Also, the community of women is finite-- and if you ask someone out and flub it, not only are they likely to not accept in the future, but they may also tell their friends and family not to accept! On the other hand, it's possible that by using 5 minutes to be nice to 100 different women, you may actually create a reputation for yourself that will get you a date (but not necessarily with any of those specific women).
So, here are some logical truths which perhaps would be better to keep in mind:
1. Just as what you find is always in the last place you look, the person you date is going to be the last one you ask-- in other words, you will continue to have failures until you have a success. Failing once or two times or N times is not indicative of perpetual failure. (Don't miss your next step because you didn't expect to succeed.)
2. Many single guys (especially Nice Guys) get really annoyed that a lot of the women they know are dating someone else. Logically, however, if you know 30 women, and 5 of them are single, then if you are single, 83% of your female friends are seeing someone else, and if you are not single then 80% of your female friends are seeing someone else (because you're dating one). This isn't a huge difference. So just accept that it's true for EVERYONE that "most of your friends who are dating are dating someone else," and it's only more annoying if you yourself are single.
3. If 1/5 of the population is within your age range, half of that is the correct sex, and half the people out there are married or otherwise taken, then your dating pool is about 1/20th of the population in your acceptable traveling range. Obviously, not all of those people will want to date you. So, multiply the area population by 0.05 and figure on getting about that many rejections, unless you want to try figuring out how to narrow down your search some.
In The Last Battle, Susan Pevensie is described as being scornful of her siblings' memories of Narnia and Aslan, and "interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations." Many people, especially feminists, have interpreted this, along with Susan's complete absence from the further events of the book, to mean that Susan is damned never to go to the "new Narnia" or to Heaven because of her interest in girlish hobbies.
However, there are several very good points against this. The first major point regards why, exactly, the other three Pevensies and their friends return to Narnia-- they were all on a train that was wrecked. All of the events of the book after that point are events in their afterlife. Susan, on the other hand, is not dead, and it's no wonder that she's left to finish out her life on Earth at this point.
Next, what is it about Susan's behavior that is objectionable? Is it that she's interested in looking pretty? If that were so, Lewis would not describe the fine formal clothes that the Kings and Queens of Narnia wear, which are both comfortable and beautiful at the same time. There's also a scene in another Lewis series, the Space Trilogy, where the main female character and other women dress for a religious ceremony and take great delight in choosing the prettiest clothing for each woman: obviously, Lewis isn't against women looking beautiful or wearing beautiful clothes.
It must be, then, that Susan rejects Narnia and faith in Aslan, and scoffs at her siblings' faith as childish and "that old game." Lady Polly says that Susan has raced through childhood and got to "the silliest time of life" and is trying to stay there as long as possible.
Will Susan always be a flighty adolescent? Will the deaths of all her siblings, her cousin, and her friends cause her to rethink what she believes in? We don't know exactly what does happen, but we do know what the final ending will be, as Aslan said it when He crowned them:
"Once a King or Queen in Narnia, always a King or Queen in Narnia."
At one point deep in the past, I wrote a scathing "how NOT to have boudoir photography done" essay about women's pictures on OKCupid. Gender parity being what it is, I believe it's time I gave the men equal time.
Dear Gentlemen:
When offering a picture of yourself to a charming person of the appropriate sex, there are certain things you can do to ensure that they both enjoy and remember your picture.
First, do try to look your very best. Comb your hair and take a shower, and try not to be hung over, sick, or still drunk when you take the picture. If you don't know how to shave properly, don't do it.
Second, choose the subject matter on which you wish to focus. There's no delicate way to say this (and in fact that's why this is behind a cut) but if you want to focus on your penis, think about what that says about you:
A) picture of your erect penis: Hi, I have a penis. Look, it sits up by itself. Time required to examine this picture and verify these facts: 0.1 seconds.
B) picture of you and a friend petting a baby tiger: I have friends. I like to go out, to the zoo or circus or something fun. I'm not afraid of wild animals. Also, look, something cuter and fuzzier than me, and I'm not intimidated or upset by not being the center of attention. Time required to examine this picture and verify these facts: 3-4 seconds.
Third, if you choose to go beyond sending pictures into sending video, and your video happens to be of your penis, do try to make it amusing. Costumes and jewelry, perhaps, or hire yourself a voice actor. If my first thought is "that poor man is reduced to wrestling with his penis, and worse, it looks like the penis is about to win" I'm going to nearly wet myself laughing.
Syntax Error in Line
As most people know, we occasionally get "stuck in automatic mode" and give the wrong response:
Sales clerk: Have a great weekend!
Response: You too!
Sales clerk: Happy Holidays!
Response: You too!
Sales clerk: Thanks for shopping with us!
Response: You too! Er...thanks.
So, I came across another interesting "auto-response" specimen a day or two ago; someone I know apparently has the following script:
A: So, where've you been lately?
(response)
A: Ah, and what did you do there?
This works very well when the response is, for instance, "School" or "at a seminar" or "on sabbatical"-- but when the response is "I was at my boyfriend's house" the second question seems rather personal (or hilariously naive)!
Anyways, this started me thinking that it's pretty funny (or at least understandable) when someone flubs a line like this in the checkout, but in a dating situation, folks aren't so forgiving. It's okay to stumble, but if you say something strange and fail to acknowledge that you did so, you're going to set off all kinds of alarms in your potential date's head. It's a sort of anti-nutcase warding system, although sadly (at least, sadly for the people it excludes) it can rule out a few other types as well.
It makes me wonder-- are there perfectly okay people who simply don't get dates because they don't pass Turing's Imitation Game? And is there anything that can be done about it? It seems that a lot of the "advice" I hear for such people is quite faulty!
For instance, one common piece of advice is to ask lots of women out, on the "statistical grounds" that one of them is bound to agree. However, time is finite, and spending 5 minutes each on asking 100 women out is not guaranteed to get one a date; it is guaranteed to take 500 minutes, and if that time were spent differently, it could well improve one's chances. Also, the community of women is finite-- and if you ask someone out and flub it, not only are they likely to not accept in the future, but they may also tell their friends and family not to accept! On the other hand, it's possible that by using 5 minutes to be nice to 100 different women, you may actually create a reputation for yourself that will get you a date (but not necessarily with any of those specific women).
So, here are some logical truths which perhaps would be better to keep in mind:
1. Just as what you find is always in the last place you look, the person you date is going to be the last one you ask-- in other words, you will continue to have failures until you have a success. Failing once or two times or N times is not indicative of perpetual failure. (Don't miss your next step because you didn't expect to succeed.)
2. Many single guys (especially Nice Guys) get really annoyed that a lot of the women they know are dating someone else. Logically, however, if you know 30 women, and 5 of them are single, then if you are single, 83% of your female friends are seeing someone else, and if you are not single then 80% of your female friends are seeing someone else (because you're dating one). This isn't a huge difference. So just accept that it's true for EVERYONE that "most of your friends who are dating are dating someone else," and it's only more annoying if you yourself are single.
3. If 1/5 of the population is within your age range, half of that is the correct sex, and half the people out there are married or otherwise taken, then your dating pool is about 1/20th of the population in your acceptable traveling range. Obviously, not all of those people will want to date you. So, multiply the area population by 0.05 and figure on getting about that many rejections, unless you want to try figuring out how to narrow down your search some.
In The Last Battle, Susan Pevensie is described as being scornful of her siblings' memories of Narnia and Aslan, and "interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations." Many people, especially feminists, have interpreted this, along with Susan's complete absence from the further events of the book, to mean that Susan is damned never to go to the "new Narnia" or to Heaven because of her interest in girlish hobbies.
However, there are several very good points against this. The first major point regards why, exactly, the other three Pevensies and their friends return to Narnia-- they were all on a train that was wrecked. All of the events of the book after that point are events in their afterlife. Susan, on the other hand, is not dead, and it's no wonder that she's left to finish out her life on Earth at this point.
Next, what is it about Susan's behavior that is objectionable? Is it that she's interested in looking pretty? If that were so, Lewis would not describe the fine formal clothes that the Kings and Queens of Narnia wear, which are both comfortable and beautiful at the same time. There's also a scene in another Lewis series, the Space Trilogy, where the main female character and other women dress for a religious ceremony and take great delight in choosing the prettiest clothing for each woman: obviously, Lewis isn't against women looking beautiful or wearing beautiful clothes.
It must be, then, that Susan rejects Narnia and faith in Aslan, and scoffs at her siblings' faith as childish and "that old game." Lady Polly says that Susan has raced through childhood and got to "the silliest time of life" and is trying to stay there as long as possible.
Will Susan always be a flighty adolescent? Will the deaths of all her siblings, her cousin, and her friends cause her to rethink what she believes in? We don't know exactly what does happen, but we do know what the final ending will be, as Aslan said it when He crowned them:
"Once a King or Queen in Narnia, always a King or Queen in Narnia."
